my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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