here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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