alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
