is your mom at the bar?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
