I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
