we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
