I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
