Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
