Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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