She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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