There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
