how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
