Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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