I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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