im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
