if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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