He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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