My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
