You're completely useless in the revolution.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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