Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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