I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
