She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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