this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
