Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
