I CAN MOONWALK!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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