If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We are two peas in an std pod
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
