I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
