You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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