Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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