I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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