I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You're earring is so big in my mouth
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Even my vagina gasped.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
