Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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