What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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