we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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