Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
