Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
