I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I have aggressive nipples.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
