Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
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