someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
