i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Your cock deserves a montage
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
