dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
