Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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