matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
