Jerry, you need to find god
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
