can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
