He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
