oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
