Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
