Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
