i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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