I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
