There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
