you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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