What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
